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Posts tagged ‘Team Chenango’

Farrell Family Favorites: A tribute to a favorite uncle and his amazing daughter

Two of my favorite ladies!

Two of my favorite ladies!

I opened Facebook today to find two of my favorite ladies smiling back at me. I was so excited to see that my cousin Coleen had chosen one of my favorites from my wedding day as her new profile picture. It’s a candid of Coleen and Mumsy, in their respective roles as maid of honor and mother of the bride, taken as we were waiting to be collected for the beachfront ceremony.

As I looked at those familiar faces, smiling back at me, I felt so incredibly blessed. I am blessed. Blessed to have found the love of my life and made it official before family and friends on what would have been my parents’ 56th wedding anniversary. And blessed, also, to have these two amazing women in my life.

For the last 40 years, they have cared for me, comforted me, supported me, cheered me on, laughed both with me and at me, and helped me celebrate all of life’s milestones – big and small. And even though we’re a few thousand miles apart at present, we all carry each other in our hearts every day.

In a family of 35 first cousins, it’s a dangerous thing to go picking favorites. Difficult, too, since the Farrells are a pretty amazing bunch. But Coleen and I have always had a special bond. The fact that more than a decade separates us in the roster of Farrell descendants has never been a factor.

It was Coleen who dropped everything and drove from New Jersey to Syracuse the night before my surgery a few years ago, so that Mumsy wouldn’t be alone during those tense hours.

Fun in Philadelphia for AFSP's Out of the Darkness Overnight walk to prevent suicide.

Fun in Philadelphia for AFSP’s Out of the Darkness Overnight walk to prevent suicide.

Who walked 18 miles from dusk to dawn with me to raise money for suicide prevention, a cause that has hit both of us far too close to home.

Who, quite literally, held my hand to keep me sane when a nasty infection in my leg had to be lanced. It was painful, yes, but worse was my fear that it would keep me from making it back to the DR in time for my own wedding! (Something I probably wouldn’t have been able to do if not for Coleen’s sister Jean, who diagnosed the problem and started me on a course of strong antibiotics before sending me to the clinic.)

It was she who moved heaven, earth and the passport office in order to stand up with me on my wedding day.

That’s just a sampling really, of the thousand and one ways she has been there for me over the years. This despite all of the challenges life has thrown at her along the way. You’d never know it though, the way she’s willing to drop everything for everyone around her.

While we have always been close, it was during my father’s illness that we went from being cousins to sisters. She, her husband Steve and their three phenomenal offspring (Jillian, Bret and Eric) were such a comfort to my dad during those three long years he battled cancer. And by a comfort, I mean an excuse to shoot off automatic weapons, adventure out on 4-wheelers or snowmobiles and engage in epic Wii tournaments. They brought a lot of love and joy to a man doing his best to hide his Stage IV cancer from the world. And they’ve helped us find the strength to get through even the most difficult of days leading up to and since he took his last breath on January 26, 2012.

Through all of that, I vowed to myself that I’d do the same for them if ever they faced a similar situation. That unspoken promise was put to the test this year, as both Steve’s mom and then Coleen’s father, my Uncle Bill, fell ill.

It has been difficult to watch both from afar, knowing there is little I can do from this distance. But I know that’s nothing compared to what they and our families have gone through.

I vividly remember the night of August 30. As I tossed and turned, I was overwhelmed by thoughts of my Uncle Bill. I finally gave up trying to sleep and decided to write down all the memories swirling around my brain. I was determined to tell him just how much he meant to me and to all of us Farrell cousins that had been privileged to grow up in his shadow.

My mother has seven brothers, but only one big brother. He was everyone’s big brother, in fact. I can’t imagine the pressure he felt – the responsibility he had – being the oldest of 12. At what it must have been like to lose his younger sister Agnes at such a young age. To have been closer in age to his mother, than to his youngest siblings well before the last of the litter, my Uncle Tim, came along.

One of my favorite pictures of another of my favorite ladies, Aunt Cecilia.

Our angel, Aunt Cecilia.

He would also be the first to go off to join the Navy and, later, to start his own family with the talented nurse who nursed his father back to health after losing his leg in an accident on the tug boats. This last was his coup de grace, in my opinion, because Aunt Cecilia – like her daughter Coleen – is a walking angel in my eyes.

It was from Uncle Bill that I learned to appreciate the Pecan Sandie above all other commercially available baked goods. And I’d wager I’m not the only Farrell cousin that swore never to get a tattoo after being weaned on the story of how he contracted hepatitis from those he’d gotten in the Navy.

Uncle Bill’s family newsletter, Farrell Family Facts, drew something of a cult following among my college friends. A few even angled for invitations to the Farrell Family Fun in the Sun Social, another brainchild of my dear uncle. And when it came time to plan a Winter Break trip to the sunny Florida Keys, a pit stop in St. Augustine to visit Uncle Bill and Aunt Cecilia was considered a given.

This is how I'll always remember Uncle Bill, dancing with Aunt Cecilia.

This is how I’ll always remember Uncle Bill, dancing with Aunt Cecilia and finishing each other’s sentences.

He was recovering from a stroke at the time, and my mother wanted a full report on his progress. But what I remembered most was how he and my Aunt Cecilia finished each other’s sentences. Not out of necessity, but out of habit. I thought to myself at the time that someday that’s the kind of relationship I’d like to have. And I do, with Andry. Although, granted, my fledgling Spanish may have something to do with that. (A topic for another blog, I promise.)

The last time Uncle Bill was at our house, he mentioned that visit to me and I was so touched. Until I realized, that is, that the reason he remembered it so vividly had more was because Liz and Melissa, my traveling companions for the trip, were both close to six feet tall.

It was these memories and more that I endeavored to put on paper that night. It was just a first draft, which I intended to polish up in the morning. I never got around to opening that document again, though. Because at a little before 6 a.m., a message came through from Coleen.

“He’s gone,” it said.

And with that, I knew I’d already said my goodbyes without realizing it.

It reminded me, though, how important it is for us to show our love, appreciation and gratitude while we can. So this isn’t a eulogy for the dead, but an ode to the living. Because he does live on in each and every Farrell.

Coleen, I love and appreciate you more than you know. You are not just my cousin, but a true sister and friend.

To you, Aunt Cecilia, Billy, Timmy, Jean, Cecilia, Terry and your families; My mom and the rest of the Farrell siblings; and rest of the extended Farrell clan – I send all the love in my heart and strength in my body. Because I know that even now, especially now, we reel from the loss of the man who was at once husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, brother, uncle, sailor and friend.

Uncle Bill, I hope heaven welcomed you with an unlimited supply of Pecan Sandies and old Hollywood movies on-demand. Don’t let my dad and Uncle Rich take your last nickel at cards. Give Mom Mom a kiss for all of us.

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A birthday wish for one of my favorite cousins: Coleen Farrell Coffey

The Farrell clan in action at our cousin Amanda's wedding. As usual, Coleen is at the center of all the fun!

The Farrell clan in action at our cousin Amanda’s wedding. As usual, Coleen is at the center of all the fun!

I’m blessed to be a part of an amazing family: The Farrell’s. My mother was one of twelve, so it’s an extensive clan. The first cousins alone number 35. Add in the spouses and various offspring and, well…I’ve never even tried for a grand total.

We cousins are a tight-knit group, despite the fact that we span 4 decades or so in age and are scattered across the country. (Well, mostly the East Coast, but a few in Texas.) It’s a pretty awesome bunch, and I feel privileged to be related to each and every one of them.

As in any family, it’s unwise to label anyone as your favorite. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a special shout-out to one of my all-time favorite Farrell’s today. Especially since it’s her birthday.

The one, the only…Coleen Farrell Coffey. (Photo cred to her incredibly talented son, Eric Coffey.)

The one, the only…Coleen Farrell Coffey. (Photo cred to her incredibly talented son, Eric Coffey.)

I speak of the one, the only…Coleen Farrell Coffey.

She’s wild, crazy and more fun than I could ever dream of being. She’s also one of the kindest, most caring people you could hope to meet in your life. She possesses the biggest heart of anyone I know and is so incredibly strong. Nothing can knock her down. (And let me tell you, plenty of things have tried.) She’s an amazing daughter, sister, aunt, niece, mom, cousin and friend. I’m constantly in awe of her and I thank my lucky stars that I have the honor of being related to her. (I also think her husband, Steve Coffey, is an absolute saint!)

We’ve always had a special bond and the trials and tribulations of the last few years have only brought Coleen and I even closer. Not only is she one of my favorite cousins, but she’s also one of my best friends.

This weekend, Coleen and I will get to spend a lot of quality time together. In fact, we’re planning to stay up all night on Saturday.

No, we won’t be out celebrating her birthday. Not in a traditional sense, anyway. No, we’ll be walking with Team Chenango in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Overnight – an 18 mile dusk ‘til dawn walk to break the silence and bring the issues of depression, mental illness and suicide into the light.

When Coleen first told me that she wanted to walk with me this year, I was excited that she would be joining us. But then she told me why she felt compelled to support the cause. You see, suicide had hit close to home for her.

She told me about the 25-year-old son of one of her other cousins who took his own life earlier this year. He left behind his parents, two sisters, a long-time girlfriend and so many friends and family members – all of whom mourn his loss and struggle to understand why he chose to take his own life.

This Saturday, Coleen will walk in his memory. I know it will be an emotional experience for her, as it is for all who participate. But we’ll channel those emotions into every step we take.

For with every step, we hope to help someone who is struggling with depression get the help they need before they choose to end their own life.

With every step, we hope to prevent other families and friends from having to endure the loss of a loved one by their own hand.

With every step, we will help bring the issues of suicide and depression out of the darkness and into the light.

Since Coleen joined our team only a few weeks ago, she’s still working to meet her fundraising minimum. Will you help her get one step closer to her goal by making a donation today?

I can’t think of a better way to wish her a Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday, Col!

With Every Step: Bringing suicide, depression and mental illness ‘Out of the Darkness’

On June 28, a mere 4 weeks away, I’ll be walking with my Team Chenango teammates in the American Society for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Overnight. This marks the 4th year we’ve participated in this 18-mile dusk ‘til dawn walk to raise money and support AFSP’s suicide prevention and awareness efforts.

As we gear up for Philadelphia, where this year’s event will take place, my teammates and I are facing some challenges. The training miles aren’t adding up as fast as we need them to. Nor are we making enough progress toward our fundraising goal.

Typically we raise the vast majority of our goal with two events: a 5K in October and our annual golf tournament in May. But with less than a month to go, I’m sorry to say we’re still about $2,100 away from the absolute minimum our team needs to walk.

I lamented about this to my friend Danielle earlier this week. Danielle, who lost her father to suicide 13 years ago, is the reason I became involved with this cause several years ago. She’s our team captain and, in so many ways, the heart of Team Chenango.

Her response made me take a moment to reflect. Both on what we put into this walk every year, and why we do it. I thought I’d share.

Every year it comes down to the two big fundraisers that we put together and then the walk. And every year, it gets harder and harder. You know how it is. Life gets in the way sometimes. Every year, I wonder why I put myself through all of the aggravation. Then I stop to think about my dad.

Danielle's father, Dan Marshman

Danielle’s father, Dan Marshman

Put simply – he was and is my hero. I love him with all of my heart. And I know there are a lot of people in our community who felt a strong connection with him as well.

When I stop to think about what he must have felt in the few weeks and months leading up to his death, I just CANNOT imagine the pain he was in.

As I complain about how hard it is to put this together, I think about him and I realize that the purpose is to prevent others from EVER having to go through this again.

It has been 13 years since Dad died by suicide from a disease that can be prevented if we could just start talking about it! This walk is so well named, because we need to bring depression, mental illness and suicide “Out of the Darkness”.

Thank you, Danielle, for that reminder.

I started stepping up my training walks as of yesterday, because there is no way I’m going to let Danielle and the rest of our team down. This is too important of a cause.

But we’re going to need your help as well. Any amount you give will get us that much closer to our goal. That much closer to Philadelphia. That much closer to bringing depression, mental illness and suicide Out of the Darkness.

Thank you in advance for your support of this incredibly important cause.

To Donate:

Visit www.theovernight.org and search for Team Chenango. This will bring up a list of team members and how close they are to making their goal.

– or – 

Select a Team Chenango member and make a donation through their donor page:

Melissa Stagnaro

Danielle Marshman

Maggie Dorsey

David Emerson

Steven Dykeman  (Goal reached!)

Michelle Hamlett (Goal reached!)

Teresa Hollister (Goal reached!)

Brian Meade (Goal reached!)

– or – 

You can send your donation (checks made payable to Team Chenango) to P.O. Box 863, Oxford NY 13830.

On behalf of all of Team Chenango, THANK YOU.

 

With Every Step: Why I walk to raise money for suicide prevention and awareness

Danielle and I before the start of the 2013 Overnight in Washington DC.

Danielle and I before the start of the 2013 Overnight in Washington DC.

Four years ago, I took a walk that changed my life.

My friend Danielle Marshman was training for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Overnight, an 18-mile dust ‘til dawn walk for suicide prevention and awareness. I’d been trying to
interview her about the walk, but had difficulty finding a time to connect. So I laced up my sneakers and accompanied her on a 6-mile training walk.

This photo was taken just after Danielle finished her first Overnight in Boston. Her mom surprised her at the finish line.

This photo was taken just after Danielle finished her first Overnight in Boston. Her mom surprised her at the finish line.

The cause was one that hit incredibly close to home for Danielle. Her father, a well- respected member of the local agriculture and business community, had taken his own life ten years earlier. During our walk, she told me more about her father than she’d ever shared with me before, and how difficult it had been for her to wrap her head around his death.

In the end, it was thanks to AFSP and the resources they provide for survivors of suicide loss that finally helped her start to heal. Part of that healing has been a desire to turn her own experience into helping others. She signed up for that first Overnight believing that with every step and every dollar raised, she was helping spare others from experiencing the same kind of loss.

Danielle walked by herself that year in Boston, but I vowed she’d never have to walk alone again. Her story, coupled with the loss of my life-long friend Jim to suicide, inspired me to get involved as well.

I walk in honor of my friend, Jim Garruto. His death left a hole in my heart that will never heal.

I walk in honor of my friend, Jim Garruto. His death left a hole in my heart that will never heal.

Together with the other members of Team Chenango, we’ve raised upwards of $40,000 for this cause in the last 3 ½ years. We’ve walked an awful lot of miles, too, between training and the Overnights themselves. And we’re not done yet!

As we speak, Team Chenango is gearing up for this year’s walk, which will be held in Philadelphia this June. And we hope we can count on you to help us get there.

On Sunday May 4, we’ll be holding our fourth annual Team Chenango Out of the Darkness Golf Tournament at Blue Stone Golf Club in Oxford, NY. This captain and crew event is designed to not only help us raise money for the AFSP’s suicide prevention efforts, but also to honor the memories of those we’ve lost to suicide and to raise awareness within our own community.

The cost to participate is $55 per golfer ($35 for Blue Stone members) and includes 18 holes of golf, cart rental and lunch. (Lunch is served from noon to 1.) Registration opens at noon, with a shotgun start at 1.

The day will include the “usual” – a putting contest, prizes for longest drive and closest to the pin, a raffle of Chenango-themed baskets, 50/50 raffle, etc. And we top it all of with a Community dinner following golf. Golfers and non-golfers alike are invited to attend. (A free-will donation will be accepted.)

Not a golfer? (Or even if you are!) There are many ways to get involved. Hole sponsorships are just $50. And we are always looking for in-kind donations for the raffle baskets, prizes, goodie bags and the Community Dinner.

To register a team or to discuss sponsorship opportunities, contact either Danielle Marshman (danielle.marshman@gmail.com) or yours truly (stagnaro.melissa@gmail.com). Golfers can also register directly with Blue Stone either in person or by calling (607) 843-8352.

And, last but not least… Team Chenango welcomes all donations. Donate today.

Together, we can see how much difference one night can make. For with each step, and each dollar raised, we support AFSP’s efforts to prevent suicide, increase awareness of the mental illnesses that often lead someone to take their own life and help those left behind, heal.

We hope you’ll join us in supporting this very important cause.

A very weary Team Chenango after completing the 2013 event in DC.

A very weary Team Chenango after completing the 2013 event in DC.